I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize