Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
