Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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