Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
