my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
