I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
