who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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