Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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