Your face is a jimmy john
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
