Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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