Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
