don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
