I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
