I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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