Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hippo gnu deer
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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