I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
