Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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