You smell like a Billy Joel song
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
