you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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