I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
