I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
