I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
