Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
