i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
