Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
