Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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