drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
