wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
