$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
