im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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