You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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