Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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