Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
