I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
