I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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