**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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