Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize