I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
