SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
