Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize