This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
