and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
