Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
