You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's blow job season.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
