happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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