Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Randomize
