question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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