DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
