If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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