Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
