I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
