I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
