Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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