My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
