The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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