Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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