420 ftw
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
