dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
