I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My vagina is officially offended.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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