Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize