The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize