he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
