I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Acid is not a monday night drug
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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