Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
