He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my being single is dangerous.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
