you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
