Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize