3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Having a random hookup so left but love u
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
