So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I look better un-naked...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
