In the future we'll all be gay
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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