You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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