I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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