I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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