dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
