I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
