I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
